i see you.

NP: changes - tupac
i love how whenever you listen to tupac, you still feel his hunger. #realrap
ugh so the whole japan thing. i was asleep the entire time it was going on and when i found out i was just like oh shitttt. then i thought about the magnitude a little longer and i was like OH SHIT. yeah fuck i love japan. i don't think anyone will ever know that better than myself and like eileen and adrian. no lie I LOVE THE CULTURE. my dad was considering to buy me a plane ticket there this year. i grew up with it since fourth grade. i swear i was japanese in a past life. and i could live there for the rest of my life, i wish i could live there for the rest of my life.
anyway. i miss my lolo and lola. OH AND I GOT A TWITTER.. wait this is relevant, trust me. there was a #ificouldiwouldbringback or some shit..and i wanted to say my grandparents, but thats just too emo/corny? is it? idk. well whatevs. anyway, i saw a lady give her seat to an old man..and i just kept staring at the man. whenever i look at old people i just think of my grandparents and i just want to cry. i want to curl up in a little ball and cry. there was this other woman on the bus another time, and she was old of course, and there was a bottle on the ground and she asked if it was anybody's drink, but when she picked it up, it was empty. nobody responded to her except me. i don't think she heard me until later though? well the point is, she was still so happy even though no one responded... idk you know old people right? like they can be so happy go lucky sometimes. i miss my lola a lot. and watching them lay her in the mausoleum was like the worst thing ever. literally brick by brick, (cinder block by cinder block) her casket started to disappear. it was closure. for sure. but i still wish we could've had more time together. i always wish that. like every now and then, i just think of her. i just want time. and i've been thinking about death recently and been scared about it. and been scared that since i don't believe in God anymore really, or the Roman Catholic God rather, i won't go to the "heaven/hell." idkkk.. honestly i think catholicism is bs right now. i mean God says he loves you, but if you "sin" he's mad, but he always forgives you..? so what's the point in even being good if he'll always forgive you..? i'm sure i've ranted about this before. probably.
offtopic! jeez.
okay, anyway, i miss my lola and lolo. hope theyre somewhere happy. together.