When people just try to find anything possible to use it against you or just to find shit about you because they feed off of gossip (and that shit might not even be true)..its annoying. Everyone has shit. Everyone. We all do shit. What's new? I'm not saying good or bad, but people make decisions. It's up to you to judge that person or not to. And those people, those people act like those decisions will define them for the rest of their lives. I just hate that about people. It could be any kind of decision. And that person decides to make an assumption of you that will define who you are. I know we are always constantly making observations and shit, but when it gets down to that point that a person is meticulously inspecting every single bit of your life.. is that person even living theirs properly? When people just want to find out shit about you cause it makes them feel better..I seriously don't get how, but really? You need to fuck with my life in order to enlighten yours? I guess. But I guess that makes me the winner in this situation. And I don't even want to be a winner or loser in this situation, just leave me the fuck alone.
I haven't come across a situation like this in a while, because well, I've chosen to limit the things I say to certain people. Now trust me, my life is fucking not exciting and gruesome as other people's are. Like drama and shit, but my life is average. I'm not saying my life sucks, but I'm not saying I'm a millionare on a yacht. But I'm content. You don't have to come around trying to fuck with it. I'm not going to let you. Silence is the bestest weapon of them all.
Just had a flashback of a crush I had on someone "back in the day."
Undoubtedly the cutest boy in school (in my eyes) and I never thought I'd like him or have anything for him.
But that one year, that one year we got assigned to sit next to each other, and we became close and talked and laughed about everything. We liked each other, but of course never had the balls because we were premature. But he started to hang out with those guys..and you were still a guy.. and I didn't like the fact you turned into a regular douchebag, because I knew that wasn't you. Of course there was nothing to do left. I told you what you had become, but we all know that just makes people more defensive. I never really analyzed it like this until now, that that was the closest thing I had to love until Adrian. I'm glad it was you. I don't care how young we were, because there wasn't any sexual tension or anything like that because we were more interested in each other than our body parts. It's nice to think about those things. When things were simple. And the only care in the world I had, was for who you were. Good times :)
Undoubtedly the cutest boy in school (in my eyes) and I never thought I'd like him or have anything for him.
But that one year, that one year we got assigned to sit next to each other, and we became close and talked and laughed about everything. We liked each other, but of course never had the balls because we were premature. But he started to hang out with those guys..and you were still a guy.. and I didn't like the fact you turned into a regular douchebag, because I knew that wasn't you. Of course there was nothing to do left. I told you what you had become, but we all know that just makes people more defensive. I never really analyzed it like this until now, that that was the closest thing I had to love until Adrian. I'm glad it was you. I don't care how young we were, because there wasn't any sexual tension or anything like that because we were more interested in each other than our body parts. It's nice to think about those things. When things were simple. And the only care in the world I had, was for who you were. Good times :)
Sitting in this cubicle in the library makes you realize a lot of shit.
Maybe I really need to go after my dream of doing theater arts. I should just try. Can't hurt right? Til then... lessons, lessons, lessons..? Stop. Settling.
Maybe I really need to go after my dream of doing theater arts. I should just try. Can't hurt right? Til then... lessons, lessons, lessons..? Stop. Settling.
I can't keep doing this to myself anymore. I can't settle for bullshit ass grades when I know I can do better and I'm just being lazy. I have two more semesters to go. Get your shit straight Raisa. You got this.
The tumblr world got me caught up posting pictures and shit.
I missed my little blogger. Almost completely forgot about it. But anyway, I am slipping in school. I thought it was cause I was working too much. Well it was because I was working too much, and then I got that out of the way, and now it's cause I'm just wandering aimlessly. (That was the biggest run-on ever, who cares..anywayyyy..) Hm, I need to blog more on this baby. Not just when I'm all angry/sad and stuff.
Okay, okay, so since the last time I've blogged on here, which God knows when.... I still get worried about a bunch of things, but I've learned to let a lot of shit go. Which has led me to I guess you can say a chiller lifestyle. Minus my schooling, IDK what is happening with that. I'm aware I'm doing sub-par, I just can't push myself like I used to. I feel like even in high school I was a little more motivated than this crap. Slipping, as in just getting C's.. wtf man, I def can do better. I don't know what's wrong :\
I do feel like something is missing though. Emptiness. Like hole in my heart. Cheesy, whatever. In high school, I had show choir, drum corps, gdt.. and stuff. Things that really made my soul happy (despite team drama). Now I'm just a working machine and going to school. I need a musical outlet I guess you could say. Writing on a blog does help though. But yeah, just something. Idk, I'm trying to ball at the rec more often. I don't know why I didn't play the way I play now, in high school. -__- but I know basketball won't do it for me. Basketball was never my one true love. When I joined JV in high school and Drum Corps, I knew I would choose Drum Corps over basketball. That connection with music is so much more fulfilling, so much more gratifying, words can't really explain. And your own beats are out there for the whole city to see? Pretty cool. Idk, I'm not tryna reminisce on high school right now or anything, just making a comparison. What I'm trying to say is, I need something. I'm missing something.
I missed my little blogger. Almost completely forgot about it. But anyway, I am slipping in school. I thought it was cause I was working too much. Well it was because I was working too much, and then I got that out of the way, and now it's cause I'm just wandering aimlessly. (That was the biggest run-on ever, who cares..anywayyyy..) Hm, I need to blog more on this baby. Not just when I'm all angry/sad and stuff.
Okay, okay, so since the last time I've blogged on here, which God knows when.... I still get worried about a bunch of things, but I've learned to let a lot of shit go. Which has led me to I guess you can say a chiller lifestyle. Minus my schooling, IDK what is happening with that. I'm aware I'm doing sub-par, I just can't push myself like I used to. I feel like even in high school I was a little more motivated than this crap. Slipping, as in just getting C's.. wtf man, I def can do better. I don't know what's wrong :\
I do feel like something is missing though. Emptiness. Like hole in my heart. Cheesy, whatever. In high school, I had show choir, drum corps, gdt.. and stuff. Things that really made my soul happy (despite team drama). Now I'm just a working machine and going to school. I need a musical outlet I guess you could say. Writing on a blog does help though. But yeah, just something. Idk, I'm trying to ball at the rec more often. I don't know why I didn't play the way I play now, in high school. -__- but I know basketball won't do it for me. Basketball was never my one true love. When I joined JV in high school and Drum Corps, I knew I would choose Drum Corps over basketball. That connection with music is so much more fulfilling, so much more gratifying, words can't really explain. And your own beats are out there for the whole city to see? Pretty cool. Idk, I'm not tryna reminisce on high school right now or anything, just making a comparison. What I'm trying to say is, I need something. I'm missing something.
... the waking up is the hardest part.
the worst feeling in the world. you feel it in your heart...palpitating. you slowly take a breath trying to make it easier on yourself. it's no use. you take another, calm, cool, not so collected. you break. the first tear.. then you turn on itunes to play a soothing song. no use. you change it to "slow dancing in a burning room." a symphony of tears stream down your face and your back to that dark deep ditch, except it's under your covers.. your face planted in your pillow. your belly on your bed which is older than you.. then you curl into a ball, a safe small ball.. hoping nothing else will hurt you even more.
this a rap for the weary, a song for the weak
a rhyme scheme for those who feel unheard when they speak
all the memories made together, feel made out of dirt
from beginning to end it's who hurt who first
back and forth intolerance. hate and then you love again.
call yourself a fool cause you're swallowed up inside of him.
silly little girl, simple little girl. you want a love he's not giving you, you.
now you sick and tired of it,
wondering when you gonna quit.. now or never baby when you gonna choose, choose?
more to that..but too deep to pour out into the internet.
i just want peace.
the worst feeling in the world. you feel it in your heart...palpitating. you slowly take a breath trying to make it easier on yourself. it's no use. you take another, calm, cool, not so collected. you break. the first tear.. then you turn on itunes to play a soothing song. no use. you change it to "slow dancing in a burning room." a symphony of tears stream down your face and your back to that dark deep ditch, except it's under your covers.. your face planted in your pillow. your belly on your bed which is older than you.. then you curl into a ball, a safe small ball.. hoping nothing else will hurt you even more.
this a rap for the weary, a song for the weak
a rhyme scheme for those who feel unheard when they speak
all the memories made together, feel made out of dirt
from beginning to end it's who hurt who first
back and forth intolerance. hate and then you love again.
call yourself a fool cause you're swallowed up inside of him.
silly little girl, simple little girl. you want a love he's not giving you, you.
now you sick and tired of it,
wondering when you gonna quit.. now or never baby when you gonna choose, choose?
more to that..but too deep to pour out into the internet.
i just want peace.
When did you get like this? The least you coulda done was give me a warning.
...wish I had the courage to say everything I planned to...
...wish I had the courage to say everything I planned to...
I want black and deep purple lipstick.
I would also like to dye my hair black with some blonde again. like every damn fucking filipino on the earth. GAH. the blonde IS addicting though. i just like how the colors contrast.
i don't understand the meaning of foundation besides performances, photo shoots, celebrities i guess. idk its your skin.. so you shouldn't cover it up with stuff? i have my nars and i love it, a really well-made product.. but i barely use it. it's like pointless. i bought it cause i felt like it was an "essential" for girls to have in their make up bags. i guess so, but i'm not using it. OH and then you gotta wipe that shit off at the end of the day. such a hassle.
IM SO SORE. worked out last night with jack jack. first time in a reeeaaalllyy long time lets just say. felt really good though. ugh but walking down stairs is NOT the business!
I saw my grandpa in my dream a few nights ago. I didn't know who he was, he told me it was him. We hugged. Then my body felt really weird during the middle of the night after the dream was over. It wasn't sleep paralysis ..the ghost on top of you thing.. cause i was moving.. idk what it was. Weird yet interesting. I cried the following morning. I miss my grandparents. I wish they were here. This house is so empty. Most of the time it's just me and my mom. Everyone's away somewhere. There used to be 8 people living here at a point in my life. Now my dad is back from his job, but who knows the next time he'll leave again. It might be tomorrow, two days from now, whatever. he's gone so frequently that at one point i forgot i had a dad.
homework time.
I would also like to dye my hair black with some blonde again. like every damn fucking filipino on the earth. GAH. the blonde IS addicting though. i just like how the colors contrast.
i don't understand the meaning of foundation besides performances, photo shoots, celebrities i guess. idk its your skin.. so you shouldn't cover it up with stuff? i have my nars and i love it, a really well-made product.. but i barely use it. it's like pointless. i bought it cause i felt like it was an "essential" for girls to have in their make up bags. i guess so, but i'm not using it. OH and then you gotta wipe that shit off at the end of the day. such a hassle.
IM SO SORE. worked out last night with jack jack. first time in a reeeaaalllyy long time lets just say. felt really good though. ugh but walking down stairs is NOT the business!
I saw my grandpa in my dream a few nights ago. I didn't know who he was, he told me it was him. We hugged. Then my body felt really weird during the middle of the night after the dream was over. It wasn't sleep paralysis ..the ghost on top of you thing.. cause i was moving.. idk what it was. Weird yet interesting. I cried the following morning. I miss my grandparents. I wish they were here. This house is so empty. Most of the time it's just me and my mom. Everyone's away somewhere. There used to be 8 people living here at a point in my life. Now my dad is back from his job, but who knows the next time he'll leave again. It might be tomorrow, two days from now, whatever. he's gone so frequently that at one point i forgot i had a dad.
homework time.
Swim Good - Frank Ocean
that feeling when..
..you're ready for things to change, but your mind isn't.
when you want to feel the pinnacle of your happiness.
when you don't want to take steps forward, but need to.
when you want to trust yourself, but not sure who you really even are.
when you want to close your eyes and escape from your life situation.
What someone told me today, changed my life completely.
PS, I hope we're okay. It's been hard to read you lately.
that feeling when..
..you're ready for things to change, but your mind isn't.
when you want to feel the pinnacle of your happiness.
when you don't want to take steps forward, but need to.
when you want to trust yourself, but not sure who you really even are.
when you want to close your eyes and escape from your life situation.
What someone told me today, changed my life completely.
PS, I hope we're okay. It's been hard to read you lately.
NP: changes - tupac
i love how whenever you listen to tupac, you still feel his hunger. #realrap
ugh so the whole japan thing. i was asleep the entire time it was going on and when i found out i was just like oh shitttt. then i thought about the magnitude a little longer and i was like OH SHIT. yeah fuck i love japan. i don't think anyone will ever know that better than myself and like eileen and adrian. no lie I LOVE THE CULTURE. my dad was considering to buy me a plane ticket there this year. i grew up with it since fourth grade. i swear i was japanese in a past life. and i could live there for the rest of my life, i wish i could live there for the rest of my life.
anyway. i miss my lolo and lola. OH AND I GOT A TWITTER.. wait this is relevant, trust me. there was a #ificouldiwouldbringback or some shit..and i wanted to say my grandparents, but thats just too emo/corny? is it? idk. well whatevs. anyway, i saw a lady give her seat to an old man..and i just kept staring at the man. whenever i look at old people i just think of my grandparents and i just want to cry. i want to curl up in a little ball and cry. there was this other woman on the bus another time, and she was old of course, and there was a bottle on the ground and she asked if it was anybody's drink, but when she picked it up, it was empty. nobody responded to her except me. i don't think she heard me until later though? well the point is, she was still so happy even though no one responded... idk you know old people right? like they can be so happy go lucky sometimes. i miss my lola a lot. and watching them lay her in the mausoleum was like the worst thing ever. literally brick by brick, (cinder block by cinder block) her casket started to disappear. it was closure. for sure. but i still wish we could've had more time together. i always wish that. like every now and then, i just think of her. i just want time. and i've been thinking about death recently and been scared about it. and been scared that since i don't believe in God anymore really, or the Roman Catholic God rather, i won't go to the "heaven/hell." idkkk.. honestly i think catholicism is bs right now. i mean God says he loves you, but if you "sin" he's mad, but he always forgives you..? so what's the point in even being good if he'll always forgive you..? i'm sure i've ranted about this before. probably.
offtopic! jeez.
okay, anyway, i miss my lola and lolo. hope theyre somewhere happy. together.
i love how whenever you listen to tupac, you still feel his hunger. #realrap
ugh so the whole japan thing. i was asleep the entire time it was going on and when i found out i was just like oh shitttt. then i thought about the magnitude a little longer and i was like OH SHIT. yeah fuck i love japan. i don't think anyone will ever know that better than myself and like eileen and adrian. no lie I LOVE THE CULTURE. my dad was considering to buy me a plane ticket there this year. i grew up with it since fourth grade. i swear i was japanese in a past life. and i could live there for the rest of my life, i wish i could live there for the rest of my life.
anyway. i miss my lolo and lola. OH AND I GOT A TWITTER.. wait this is relevant, trust me. there was a #ificouldiwouldbringback or some shit..and i wanted to say my grandparents, but thats just too emo/corny? is it? idk. well whatevs. anyway, i saw a lady give her seat to an old man..and i just kept staring at the man. whenever i look at old people i just think of my grandparents and i just want to cry. i want to curl up in a little ball and cry. there was this other woman on the bus another time, and she was old of course, and there was a bottle on the ground and she asked if it was anybody's drink, but when she picked it up, it was empty. nobody responded to her except me. i don't think she heard me until later though? well the point is, she was still so happy even though no one responded... idk you know old people right? like they can be so happy go lucky sometimes. i miss my lola a lot. and watching them lay her in the mausoleum was like the worst thing ever. literally brick by brick, (cinder block by cinder block) her casket started to disappear. it was closure. for sure. but i still wish we could've had more time together. i always wish that. like every now and then, i just think of her. i just want time. and i've been thinking about death recently and been scared about it. and been scared that since i don't believe in God anymore really, or the Roman Catholic God rather, i won't go to the "heaven/hell." idkkk.. honestly i think catholicism is bs right now. i mean God says he loves you, but if you "sin" he's mad, but he always forgives you..? so what's the point in even being good if he'll always forgive you..? i'm sure i've ranted about this before. probably.
offtopic! jeez.
okay, anyway, i miss my lola and lolo. hope theyre somewhere happy. together.
So I'm here in the Philippines, sleeping when I should be awake. Oh well. I miss sf a lot. I'm missing out on a lot of school. I'm watching hella episodes on sailor moon.
I've done some realizing about myself while I'm here. I can be really mature, but sometimes I feel like a little kid compared to everyone else. But then, I'm not in a hurry to to grow up. What's the point in trying to act like you're hella older right? and turning 21 isn't everything in the world. I like we're I'm at, I just wonder if it's where I'm supposed to be. I realized where i want both of m tattoos. My dad's going to kill me.
My lola's funeral was so sad. Ugh, don't really want to relive it.
I've done some realizing about myself while I'm here. I can be really mature, but sometimes I feel like a little kid compared to everyone else. But then, I'm not in a hurry to to grow up. What's the point in trying to act like you're hella older right? and turning 21 isn't everything in the world. I like we're I'm at, I just wonder if it's where I'm supposed to be. I realized where i want both of m tattoos. My dad's going to kill me.
My lola's funeral was so sad. Ugh, don't really want to relive it.
you STAY wasting my time. ugh. i always wait for you. we haven't seen each other/got to spend that much time with each other recently..and you don't really care to see me. I always have to make the plans. I always have to make the moves. UGH WHATEVER. HELLA ANNOYING.
in other news.
got rear ended today, made my back even worse, having more severe back spasms. GREEEAT.
my grandma's going to go soon :( they took her home from the hospital today. they're going to let the infection take its course. I love you Lola. <33333
why is shit so hard?
in other news.
got rear ended today, made my back even worse, having more severe back spasms. GREEEAT.
my grandma's going to go soon :( they took her home from the hospital today. they're going to let the infection take its course. I love you Lola. <33333
why is shit so hard?
I wish there was innocence and promise within the both of us.
I just wish I could trust you, but as hard as I try to convince myself.. there's just no use. I just choose to try to be oblivious. Hasn't been working :\ Literally tearing up about this. I'm so soft -___-
oh and another one.
I wish my grandma would get better, but her future is inevitable, like the rest of ours. It just sucks, a lot. A lot a lot. I wish I could do something. I wish I could teleport by your bedside. I wish I could. I wish I could be there as long as it takes, to just hold your hand and speak in your ear and tell you I'm there.. but instead I tell you in my mind that I'm there, that you can pull through. Who knows if that even works. I think I'm inching towards believing in Diesm like 100%. You'd hate me for that. I'm sorry, Catholic/Christian reasoning is becoming bullshit. If there is a God.. i really don't know. But why do we pray to God if he already knows our fate? That makes no sense. I've been doing just fine not praying. And Heather's friend was kinda right, Catholicism was put into place to control people, to tame them. Think about what they did to the Native Americans. There's a ton of evidence. Oh no. I'm rambling. I wish you could be there with me in the future. I wish you could be there at my first legitimate performance. I wish you could be yelling for me from the crowd. I wish you made me more adobo and we could make lumpia together like old times. I wish you could give me advice on what to do with this freakin job of mine. I wish Lolo was here with you. I wish Lolo was here with me. I wish Lolo was here with us. I wish life didn't end like this, but I'm young and don't understand the meaning of it all.
So Wish God,
You don't have to grant them, just acknowledge them at least? Acknowledge my existence and needs. Not even my wants, my needs. Please? Am I asking for too much? Probably. I always do. Nevermind.
I just wish I could trust you, but as hard as I try to convince myself.. there's just no use. I just choose to try to be oblivious. Hasn't been working :\ Literally tearing up about this. I'm so soft -___-
oh and another one.
I wish my grandma would get better, but her future is inevitable, like the rest of ours. It just sucks, a lot. A lot a lot. I wish I could do something. I wish I could teleport by your bedside. I wish I could. I wish I could be there as long as it takes, to just hold your hand and speak in your ear and tell you I'm there.. but instead I tell you in my mind that I'm there, that you can pull through. Who knows if that even works. I think I'm inching towards believing in Diesm like 100%. You'd hate me for that. I'm sorry, Catholic/Christian reasoning is becoming bullshit. If there is a God.. i really don't know. But why do we pray to God if he already knows our fate? That makes no sense. I've been doing just fine not praying. And Heather's friend was kinda right, Catholicism was put into place to control people, to tame them. Think about what they did to the Native Americans. There's a ton of evidence. Oh no. I'm rambling. I wish you could be there with me in the future. I wish you could be there at my first legitimate performance. I wish you could be yelling for me from the crowd. I wish you made me more adobo and we could make lumpia together like old times. I wish you could give me advice on what to do with this freakin job of mine. I wish Lolo was here with you. I wish Lolo was here with me. I wish Lolo was here with us. I wish life didn't end like this, but I'm young and don't understand the meaning of it all.
So Wish God,
You don't have to grant them, just acknowledge them at least? Acknowledge my existence and needs. Not even my wants, my needs. Please? Am I asking for too much? Probably. I always do. Nevermind.
Hm. Woke up today feeling kinda crappy. Then got to school and felt better. Oh whaaaaaaat. Yeah it was crazy. But I guess yesterday's sob story about work made me more inclined to do better and gtfo out of here. Still, just watching all my favorite rappers on youtube makes me really motivated. Just to get to New York and succeed. To get that dream career of being on broadway or maybe just being a show choir teacher. Just doing something I love. I'm actually becoming more fond of Nicki Minaj. Weird, I know. But I've just grown to give her mad respect because she's the biggest female rapper doing her thing right now and don't give a fuck if she has these alter egos. I don't like them myself personally. I really hate when she does all those voices, but she's pullin a lady gaga and it's working for her. She's different and she's bossing it up. I really like moment 4 life by her. It's so goood. Why doesn't she rap like that all the time!? Haha enough about nicki. My FAVVV though. J. Cole. God daaaamn. I will cry WHEN I meet him. I'm so determined. The fuckin' future. Rappers are my heroes. + Alicia Keys & Lauryn.
Music WILL be my career. I'm just too passionate about it, I can't make it a hobby. Nuff said. Now back to work.
Music WILL be my career. I'm just too passionate about it, I can't make it a hobby. Nuff said. Now back to work.
SONGS OF THE NIGHT.
Talked to my manager about why I'm not a server. That was just a blow to my heart. It wasn't something terrible. I just knew its because he didn't know anything. None of the managers really know. The reason pretty much goes back to high school and a reoccurring reason. A consistent theme it seems. People just have these low expectations of me, but I have all the medals to show for it. No pun intended. And the whole basketball thing.. like how do you expect me to get better if you're not giving me the opportunity. Game time situations are different from practice. Same thing with work. I know I can do so well.. you're not just letting me show you. You choose to be ignorant and believe in your assumptions and observations. I agree I may not seem who I am at work.. that made no sense, but it did to me.. haha anyway. But yeah, everyone at work is from all over the bay area and beyond. I'm like the only SF native pretty much. It's like being in a new city. Take my perspective. Not like they care.. why do i say that. I just want my piece of the pie like everyone else and I don't kiss ass to do that and I'm damn proud that I do work. Just wishing who ever is control of life.. please make this situation better.
Talked to my manager about why I'm not a server. That was just a blow to my heart. It wasn't something terrible. I just knew its because he didn't know anything. None of the managers really know. The reason pretty much goes back to high school and a reoccurring reason. A consistent theme it seems. People just have these low expectations of me, but I have all the medals to show for it. No pun intended. And the whole basketball thing.. like how do you expect me to get better if you're not giving me the opportunity. Game time situations are different from practice. Same thing with work. I know I can do so well.. you're not just letting me show you. You choose to be ignorant and believe in your assumptions and observations. I agree I may not seem who I am at work.. that made no sense, but it did to me.. haha anyway. But yeah, everyone at work is from all over the bay area and beyond. I'm like the only SF native pretty much. It's like being in a new city. Take my perspective. Not like they care.. why do i say that. I just want my piece of the pie like everyone else and I don't kiss ass to do that and I'm damn proud that I do work. Just wishing who ever is control of life.. please make this situation better.
I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate
flakes.
SO.
MUCH.
Hella annoying. Damn you continuously do this shit. Fuckin' annoying. We're REALLY good friends, please don't fuck it up.
Today is esp. bad cause everyone's fucking up plans with me. Ugh just feel like sleepin it off but I have hella hw to do if I'm going to the Dom Kennedy concert tmr, but my friend flaked.. thankssss. So irritated from everyone today that I just don't even wanna go anymore. I wonder if you even care how I feel when you do that shit.
Anyway, I guess if people did these things on different days I would get irritated but not extremely bothered like I am right now. Idk still shady. It's like friendship 101. OH and PLEEEAASE stop ditching me for your girlfriend, and if you're gonna chill with her, at least have the decency to hit me up and lmk we're not gonna meet anymore. Don't leave me fucking hanging. I love her, don't get me wrong, she's not involved in this. It's YOU. Straighten it up.
Warriors game friday? Idk anymore. Not even in the mood to see my favorite fucking basketball team in the FOURTEENTH row.
sooooo angry right now. gonna go lie down, praying that I won't ko. pleasepleaseplease
flakes.
SO.
MUCH.
Hella annoying. Damn you continuously do this shit. Fuckin' annoying. We're REALLY good friends, please don't fuck it up.
Today is esp. bad cause everyone's fucking up plans with me. Ugh just feel like sleepin it off but I have hella hw to do if I'm going to the Dom Kennedy concert tmr, but my friend flaked.. thankssss. So irritated from everyone today that I just don't even wanna go anymore. I wonder if you even care how I feel when you do that shit.
Anyway, I guess if people did these things on different days I would get irritated but not extremely bothered like I am right now. Idk still shady. It's like friendship 101. OH and PLEEEAASE stop ditching me for your girlfriend, and if you're gonna chill with her, at least have the decency to hit me up and lmk we're not gonna meet anymore. Don't leave me fucking hanging. I love her, don't get me wrong, she's not involved in this. It's YOU. Straighten it up.
Warriors game friday? Idk anymore. Not even in the mood to see my favorite fucking basketball team in the FOURTEENTH row.
sooooo angry right now. gonna go lie down, praying that I won't ko. pleasepleaseplease
tell me not to envy when you envy others yourself, tell me it's not worth it to buy the expensive things, but praise those who have them.
just a thought that occurred in my mind just now. it will disintegrate one day.
just a thought that occurred in my mind just now. it will disintegrate one day.
first picture isn't a raisa original, tweaked it a little bit, but thought it would be nice for a change to use another design other than my own
and i'm inside :( not going out til later. booo booo. school is starting next week. pooo pooo poooo. went to the Japanesque exhibit at the Legion of Honor. it was soooo goood. everything i expected it to be. i have a fascination and obsession with japan so it tickled my pickle. hehe. can't wait to move there!
photo credit: joyrich
<-- story of my future?
worst day at work ever today. my manager was being a douchebag as usual. hate how i do hella shit for everyone at work and i don't get promoted and my managers think i'm incompetent. anyway, grandma's back in the ICU. my mom told me not to go to my own grandma's funeral cause i had school and the plane ticket is expensive. wtff reallyyyy.. i'm not gonna go to her funeral. she practically raised me and i missed my grandpa's funeral and i hold in so much regret for that. def going. a lot of stress and weight on my shoulders as the usual. but i guess is a good thing cause i wouldn't have any motivation to get out of the city. like forreeeaaal not tryna be a host for the rest of my life.
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