Rancor.

I never thought this day would come, that I actually hate you. It's kinda funny how you were so in love with me and then you let me just evaporate. I know it's not meant to be anymore, and I know that I will miss you at times. Lots of times. But, it doesn't mean this is easy for me. I am grieving and grieving and grieving. The loss of the boy whom I thought was the one. If there is any feeling that I feel right now, it is hurt and blue. That's actually two feelings. Whatever, but I just feel really empty inside. I feel like someone has scathed my soul. I hate feeling like this. It's annoying. I hate trying to get out of bed for work and I just finished crying a river. I hope one day you realize you did me wrong. I really hope so. I hope you realize that you don't treat someone who cares about you like that. Communication is key in any relationship, and respect. Those things diminished as time went on, for reasons which I will never know why. You were so perfect. You literally did everything right. I know nobody is perfect, but when I say perfect, I mean the right fit for me. And then Fall semester hit. You started acting to strange and so cold to me. I didn't know what was going on. You never communicated anything to me. I just wanted you to text me throughout the day, given the distance between us. You made it seem like everything was okay. You made it seem like we were fine, and then out of nowhere, you decide to break my heart..because you wanted to be "selfish and not be responsible for anyone anymore." What the fuck does that even mean? You want to be single? If so, you could have just said that, because the way you worded it, it made it seem like I was a fucking hassle or some annoying girl. Oh and that bullshit ass 5 day "space" type thing you did before you broke it off..really, it takes you five days to tell me 2 sentences? I was hoping you talked more when you broke up with me, because I deserve answers. I lowered my standards for you just so you could be comfortable. I took whatever communication I could get from you and you just ignored me. I should have been the one breaking up with you, but I thought you were such a catch, and I held on to the boy I fell in love with from the very beginning. I was just a prize to you. It was a challenge to get me, and once you did, it got boring to you. So, if you do think I'm a "hassle" or whatever the fuck, fuck you. Because I barely talked to you because I didn't want to bother you because you "had to study." I would put off problems I had in the relationship and save them for later because you thought it was "annoying" and you "didn't have time for it." Everything was for you. I was always  thinking about you. Always. I seriously had unconditional love for you. How could you just abuse it? How could you just take advantage of someone like that? Especially after all that you have been through. It just amazes me. I am angry, hurt, sad, disappointed..too many feelings to count. This semester is going to be so difficult. I will find myself, and leave you one day eventually, for good. I just wish I was over you like now. Oh, and stop trying to protect me with lies, that never works out. You were the rudest asking to exchange shit and it hasn't even been a month. It's all about you. It's all about what you want. And if nothing goes your way, you just avoid it and say fuck it. Did you ever think that I probably was not emotionally stable to see you? You needed your damn dress clothes to go clubbing and that's why you hit me up. Don't lie to me and say your mom needed them. Who would even believe that excuse? Like who's mom....what.. I will make it out of this. I have to. I can't let you leave me broken. You don't deserve that power.