Wishes and wishful thinking.

I wish there was innocence and promise within the both of us.
I just wish I could trust you, but as hard as I try to convince myself.. there's just no use. I just choose to try to be oblivious. Hasn't been working :\ Literally tearing up about this. I'm so soft -___-

oh and another one.
I wish my grandma would get better, but her future is inevitable, like the rest of ours. It just sucks, a lot. A lot a lot. I wish I could do something. I wish I could teleport by your bedside. I wish I could. I wish I could be there as long as it takes, to just hold your hand and speak in your ear and tell you I'm there.. but instead I tell you in my mind that I'm there, that you can pull through. Who knows if that even works. I think I'm inching towards believing in Diesm like 100%. You'd hate me for that. I'm sorry, Catholic/Christian reasoning is becoming bullshit. If there is a God.. i really don't know. But why do we pray to God if he already knows our fate? That makes no sense. I've been doing just fine not praying. And Heather's friend was kinda right, Catholicism was put into place to control people, to tame them. Think about what they did to the Native Americans. There's a ton of evidence. Oh no. I'm rambling. I wish you could be there with me in the future. I wish you could be there at my first legitimate performance. I wish you could be yelling for me from the crowd. I wish you made me more adobo and we could make lumpia together like old times. I wish you could give me advice on what to do with this freakin job of mine. I wish Lolo was here with you. I wish Lolo was here with me. I wish Lolo was here with us. I wish life didn't end like this, but I'm young and don't understand the meaning of it all.

So Wish God,
You don't have to grant them, just acknowledge them at least? Acknowledge my existence and needs. Not even my wants, my needs. Please? Am I asking for too much? Probably. I always do. Nevermind.